#JMR: A FOREVER FAREWELL
May 1702.
PART ONE
For a minute she froze, focussing to the sound she heard, was it him? It was impossible, but yet, somewhere in her mind she believed it was him. Within a second she turned around, to face the area where the sound came from, in her heart she wanted to shout his name, but her mind told her not to. Not if she wanted to wake up everybody at the chateaux and have to explain to her children why she was shouting his name. A little bit of hope filled her heart when she turned around, maybe she honestly believed that he was still alive, that he was still there, even how bitter he was at the end, she needed him, she loved him. But the second she started into the empty room all the hope in her heart disappeared and again she felt her heart break. “I miss you .. “ She whispered when the Italian stared at the wall and closed her eyes, the echo of her voice filled and died in the room and nothing happened, no voice, no arm around her, no kiss on her cheek, nothing. Inhaling deeply, Mary opened her eyes, she had to realise that he was gone, for months already, despite how much she didn’t want to tell herself that. But here and there — she knew that she needed to get out of there before she or burst out in tears or wallow in despair.
PART TWO
Closing the door with a soft creak, the Dowager Queen realized that she was holding her breath until the door was closed completely and she exhaled, long and deeply. Feeling her heart rate high in her throat and a sigh escaped her throat, was she relieved that she was out of there or that he was actually not haunting her (besides in her dreams)? She couldn’t tell, but as soon as she leaned her back against the closed door, Mary somewhat broke down and dropped on the floor, trying to keep herself calm. Being in there, that room, being surrounded by his things, his letters, even his long black coat laid over the back of the chair, it was getting too much and she knew she had to eventually pack it somewhere and rearrange the room into something else. But for now she just needed to have it the way it was, she needed to be surrounded by him, even if it would give her anxiety on occasions. Inhaling deeply she tried to forget what just happened, she tried to tell her that her mind tried to play a trick on her, he was really not with her anymore.
PART THREE
“Madame?” Her brown irises looked up in surprise when she heard a voice in the hallway, it was one of her French ladies who, seemingly was looking for her all over the chateaux. “Madame, ça va?” She heard the woman talk and in her head she repeated the question and trying to find an answer, was she okay? Mary nodded slightly and got herself back on her feet, leaning against the door of the work chamber. “Je vais bien” she lied as hard as she could, everybody was already worried about her ever since James had passed on and now she couldn’t possibly say that she believed that he was still here, as a spirit. They would instantly have her admitted to bed and a physician to come or even a spiritualist one. And for some part she wasn’t lying, she was okay, she really was, but for the other part she was pressing it away, she was forcing herself not to cry anymore. “Madame, puis-je vous procurer du thé?” Was the next thing she heard and for a second she felt a tear sting in her eye but she blinked it away and nodded with a smile. When she stepped away from the door she felt something over her that made her instantly calm and less emotional. It was that feeling she had when she was inside the chambers.
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